I’m an idiot. I’m stupid. I’m going to hate myself in the morning for writing this, but…..
John and I found a hidden jewel of a hotel/resort just two hours away from town. When I say hidden jewel, I mean that anyone in Boquete I mentioned it to hadn’t heard of it. We heard about it from a friend who said that none of HIS friends knew about it, either.
So I’m going to recommend that you stay away from The Plantation Resort in Boca Chica. Stay away if you hate being pampered. Definitely do NOT go there if you hate excellent food. And if you cannot tolerate fine hospitality and service for a fraction of the price of a comparable seaside resort in California, then you’ll be glad you passed on this isolated, boutique hotel.
But, John and I were dumb enough to pay $125 per night (breakfast included) to come here for three nights, starting two nights ago. Amazingly we are the only guests here of this multi-room, two story hotel.
Located about 1/4 mile from the Pacific Ocean and about 45 minutes east of David, this hotel also serves as a clubhouse for the rest of the working plantation upon which it sits. In addition, multi-million dollar homes are being built along the adjacent private beach that services the guests of the hotel. Those homeowners often come up to the hotel for meals and/or servesas, so we have met a family from Liverpool, England (“that’s where they make the Beatles, you know”) and a set of brothers who are half Spanish, half American. Lots of international talk being spoken here.
It’s a hard place to find along some really rough and bumpy roads. And that’s just the description of the place if you find the plantation itself! Getting to the front gate was an adventure, as well. If John and I could take a wrong turn, we did. But upon arriving, we were shown to our room (Claudia is the hotel’s manager and she upgraded us, since we’re the only ones here).
At the first night’s dinner John and I both ordered fresh ocean tuna which was excellent. Couldn’t resist the dessert: chocolate brownie with chocolate sauce, vanilla ice cream and chocolate drops, all served in a martini glass. After dinner, John and I turned in for the night on one of the biggest, most comfiest King-Sized beds I’ve ever slept in. And three pillows for each of us!
Thursday morning it was up early for breakfast on the terrace. It was really hard to choke down my pancakes and sausage while looking at this miserable view….sigh…..tough job,
but — well, you know the rest. During breakfast we began hearing one of the most unusual sounds we’d ever heard. If I were to guess, I thought it was a buffalo being water-boarded. Sort of a low throated bellow that had elements of gurgling to it. I thought a monster was going to come up from the tropical forest below and swallow us in one gulp. (Sorry, but that’s where my mind goes.) Then, to make matters worse, another duplicate voice answers the first! So now we’re hearing this in stereo! They’re forming for an attack, I’m just sure of it.
Just then, Claudia comes out with more coffee. (In addition to serving as the hotel’s Manager, she is head wait staff, payroll officer and Chief Cook and Bottle Washer….) In my most demure and politically sensitive voice I ask: “What the HELL is that noise?” I’m expecting Claudia to look off into the horizon and answer something like “Ohhhh, I forgot to tell you, do NOT EVER leave the road between here and the beach. Never EVER set foot out of your car and you’ll be safe. And it’s best if you do not know what is making that sound, because whoever has actually set eyes on it has never returned alive.”
Okay, so I’ve watched “LOST” one too many times. Truth of the matter is, she simply said “Oh, those are the howler
monkeys who live in the trees out there. They’re harmless and there’s a howler sanctuary up the road if you want to go.”
At 10 we packed up a duffel and headed off to the beach. We picked a spot where the sounds of new home construction wouldn’t carry to us. About 3 homes are under construction yet we found a secluded spot. We were the only ones on this whole beach! Below are pics of the beach from their web site.
As John and I walked along the beach, I felt like I was in one of those tropical movies. Coconut palms began unloading their biological bombs right on the sand next to us. If we’d had a machete we could have cracked one open for lunch! Mango trees were dropping their ripe fruit on the beach. A local homeowner later begged us to come back and grab a truck full, as they just haul them to a field and dump them to rot….mangoes!
John and I apparently didn’t spread enough spf 50 on us…..last evening I came down with the chills. I looked in the mirror and saw immediate sunburn and further evidence of sun poisoning. Dehydration and slight nausea set in, so I retired early with a bucket of ice water and some Alleve for the skin inflammation.
Claudia is one of the most hospitable hosts I’ve ever met. This morning we wanted to sleep in to watch the Royal Wedding and when I talked John into putting on some shorts to go to the lobby to get us some coffee, he opened the door and there, right outside, was a full-service coffee carafe with cups, milk and sugar. Claudia had anticipated our every desire! (As a side bar, when John began complaining about all the estrogen in the room, what with all the hoopla around CNN’s coverage of the Royal Wedding, I reminded him I had a hard time falling asleep through the testerone-laden 2011 NFL Football Draft he watched last night! Tit for tat, pal, tit for tat!)
Today, because of the sun burns, we lounged around the pool and the patio in the shade all day. I’m typing while I’m sitting on the couch in the shade:
And when I want to get my feet wet, I move 10 feet and this is my view:
So I repeat, as a service to my loyal readers, if you want to avoid soothing, restful days with views of the ocean, stay away. If you don’t want to be lulled asleep after a great meal, head on down the road past the turn off to here. If you hate gorgeous tropical beaches scented with coconut and mango, stay in the city!
Okay, I’ve written enough. There’s another chocolate brownie with ice cream on it waiting for me. Gotta go….